Friday, September 3, 2010
Killer For Hire Breaks Silence
Previously, all that was known was he was born in 1985 and resides in the city of Angels.
After pleas from the media, an anonymous fascimilie was mailed to the police department stating:
“Despite being a shamless consumer of Top Ramen, much of my life is decidedly highbrow. Wearing fashionable clothing is a must which means that most of my wardrobe consists of designer goods, albeit often purchased at a discount. There is really no better way to make the douchebags who wear Ed Hardy and Affliction feel gaudy than a nice fitted woven shirt with a soft pair of 7 For All Mankind's. The arts are something that I also take seriously, not allowing myself to be caught deceased watching any film made by Roland Emmerich or containing the words "fast" and "furious". Motion pictures produced by Wong Kar-Wai, Paul Thomas Anderson, and recent Clint Eastwood or coming from the nations of France or China are more my speed.
“Caching is something that excites me in the same way that saving money does. There are specific rock songs that energize me. Cheeses are too good to be lumped in the dairy food group. Fresh basil is the only spice that makes any sense to me. I am influenced by Trent Reznor in an entrepreneurial way, more so than I am a fan of nine inch nails. I always wished I could have been a badass hacker. Phone phreaking is way cooler than hacking! Seeing classmat—
“es outside of class always a tough call, social etiquette wise. Nose down while 'texting' always worked.
“I am wholy devoted to european automobiles. Specifically, owning one of bavarian origins, I hope to one day upgrade to another that has an ///M badge on the back. Was anybody really surprised about the american auto companies. Any honest car reviewer will tell you they've been shipping out rubbish for decades.
“Oh yeah, I'm the zodiac!”
After sightings in Seattle, Washington, northern Idaho, and all over southern California, it seems that his weapons of choice consist of:
- Macbook Pro
- Dell 20” LCD (WS)
- Nikon D200
- Nikon 60mm Macro
- Nikon 17-35 AF-S (soon)
- Sunpak 383 flashes
- Adobe CS3 Design Premium
- Coda
- Things
- Blackberry Curve
- iPod Classic (Silver)
Newly discovered documents reveal skills
A resumé found at a recent crime scene shows us what he’s made of.
Tech: PHP, MySQL, Javascript / jQuery / AJAX, XHTML, CSS, Smarty, Apache, Subversion, Linux, REST API’s, memcached. ¶ Skills: Knowledge of scalable architecture, focus on secure programming, database administration, internationalization (i18n) and localization (L10n), information architecture, MVC architecture, SEO, analytics and metrics.
Authorities are piecing together motive
Based on eye witness accounts, detectives have concluding that things like people driving below the speed limit in the fast lane, door slammers, waking up before 9am, squeaky floors, figuring out what to eat for a next meal, and people who are likely motives for the killings.
Compact discs found at the scene reveal music taste
Located in a pile of CDs were the following: Interpol, M83, nine inch nails, The Postal Service, The Go! Team, Junior Senior, Incubus, Jamiroquai, Of Montreal, The Beach Boys, Massive Attack, Kent, Sigur Rós, Massive Attack, Rilo Kiley, Van Morisson, Radiohead, Fiona Apple, Placebo, Cibo Matto, Muse, Queen, Miles Davis, Mando Diao, INXS (Hutchence), Goldfrapp, Feist, Dave Matthews Band, Corinne Bailey Rae and The Flaming Lips among others.